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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {